So my heart failure is finally trickling back into my life.
Walking across a room can leave me out of breath and energy…and on other days I can walk for miles! Yesterday I could paint and get around all day and on another day I may need a couple naps to make it through. I have a little bit of cough back. A few hits of nitro here and there–though I’m on a prophylactic dose of nitro every day.
I haven’t been in an ambulance or ER for my heart in a couple years. That will change soon, but it sure is nice to not look up the hill in Portland and say, “That’s my home away from home…”
So my 60th birthday is coming up July 9. I did not think I would see it. If you read back through this blog you’ll find me preparing for a very early death. I suppose I still am, but it’s not as scary as it was just a few years ago. When I’m on my 2nd or 3rd shot of Nitro, hands clasped over my chest, bent over and grimacing in pain…well, you sorta don’t know if “this is it” or not.
It comes rudely. Never from exertion, as I tell my new doctors, but when I least expect it. Laying in bed. Watching TV. Working at the computer. And each time–especially when it’s really big–I think, “Is this it?” I note what music is playing. Where Judy is. What I am reading. What I am wearing. Is this the last thing?
It’s good for me to read back through my blog, which is also available as a book (Glass Heart – Lulu), to remind myself of my commitment to self-honesty and to transparency in this blog. As my breath and energy ebb I get closer to that edge. It’s perspective, I know… Like holding a business care in my hand with arm extended. It’s there blocking a little bit of my view…but I can still see the rest of the world. Versus holding that same card up to my eye, blocking everything. That’s what happens with the really huge pains. It’s definitely what happens when my internal defibrillator goes off!
My blog has been picked up by a lot of health websites, including LimeHealth.com which will be publishing a portion of it on their site when they launch very soon.
I have so much to celebrate in my life. We have so many incredible friends. We’re surrounded by art and music, fabulous food and wine, beervana, parties and adventures that just don’t stop. Family that shows up and loves. I have said since my surgery that “if I make it to 60, we’re having one helluva party!” Well, it’s upon us!
If you’re family or friend of ours and you didn’t get an emailed invitation, my bad. My email’s a bit massive and I’m not organized like Judy. It’s easy to mess up and leave someone out. The party is July 9…from noon until the cops come. The info is here: http://event.pingg.com/MikeTurns60.
Please RSVP so we know how many fatted calves to slay…
Mike,
It’s been a while, Bryan sent me to this page, and I wanted to say Happy 60th, and thanks for all the time, energy, and love you put into Snowfire and all the kids who had shows there. It really meant the world to me. I still have the little glow in the dark bear trophy for the Peanut Gallery (2 years in a row), and I have to admit that you/the show kept all of us out of trouble (or at least kept us out of some of the trouble we got into) =)
-jake vale