Just a few hours

It’s just weird to think that in a few hours I’ll be in surgery with a couple of young doctors opening up my chest and re-modeling my heart. I’m going to bed in a few minutes. Have to check into the hospital at 6 am. Don’t know if I’ll get to sleep or not.

Judy remarked today how every once in a while grief just steals into her heart. No notice or reason. Just the sudden awareness that her dad has died and is gone. It comes and then it goes. A life of its own. That’s how my fear rolls around. Most of the time I’m distracted or unaware. Then I suddenly have this awful sense of being opened and get afraid. Just for a couple seconds, sometimes.

There are so many people who have offered wonderful prayers and thoughts and notes. One family prayed over a small glass heart that has been handed down through the years to people undergoing serious health issues. They presented it to me Sunday morning and I will take it with me to the hospital tomorrow morning. What an awesome symbol!

My dad sent a flannel blanket made by people at his church, and over which they prayed. That will be in my bag, too.

It is a mystery what they will find inside me tomorrow. It has been quite a subject of debate. I should come out with a stronger, more oxygenated and better shaped heart than I have tonight as I write. That’s my goal!

I have family here with me, and the prayers of those who are away. My church community has been incredible–both in their support for me and for Judy. Even my neighbors have been comforting and inspirational. I am lucky.

My very good friends Claire and Jan are coming up in a little over a week. I can’t wait to visit with them and celebrate my successfully remodeled heart!

I just wrote a note to one of Gary’s very good friends, Christie, whose father died just weeks ago.  I remember standing in his living room with him, watching Gary and Christie all dolled-up and getting ready to go to a Cotillion.   I told her how proud her father was of her that evening and how saddened I was to hear of his death.  She is a great friend to Gary and I am reminded of my own good fortune in my children and in my family and friends.  That’s a wonderful reality to touch this night.

I don’t think I’ll get back to this blog until I’m home, unless I can get a laptop into my hospital room and get on the web.

Until then I am grateful for your prayers. Please direct them to my surgeons–Howard Song and Matt Slater–that they are coming off their week’s vacations rested and ready, and that they didn’t party too much New Year’s Eve!

Now get back to work.